As a programmer, why I f’ing HATE Google (profanity warning) rant

I’ve been working on a few home projects that unfortunately involve Google. Sad face.

One of the projects is an email client called HardMail AI. I was hoping to incorporate Google’s OAuth2 to allow users to make use of the most up-to-date sign-in technology.

Another project is a GPS asset tracking system. Using an ordinary Android phone, companies like a taxi company can keep track of their drivers locations for free (or very low cost, depending on usage). Or you can (for free) keep track of your grandparents location when they are on a driving vacation.

It turns out in both cases Google expected and expects me to spend infinity hours meeting their endless demands. After months of effort (it is a side/part-time project) I was forced to give up on Google’s OAuth2 for HardMail AI. They just wanted more and more and more and more and more of my time! It was fucking insane. Eventually they wanted me to share my code to some idiot third-party (who had a broken submission system). I finally had to pull the plug. No OAuth2 for my program.

It is incredible how epically absurd Google’s demands were, unbelievably micro-managing. For example my email client uses AI to process emails, nothing to do with Google, yet they had a ton of demands regarding how my program works be presented to the user. The Google reviewer even sounded a little embarrassed. Google assumes users a complete idiots and Google is their mommy. Fuck off Google.

Everything I do is legit, open and clear, yet that wasn’t enough. Before I could use OAuth2 they kept complaining I didn’t meet their endless requirements, and always without being specific. They know exactly why they reject apps but they won’t fucking tell anyone details! All they do is point to some huge web page of demands and say “take that, bitch!” What a bunch of assholes.

Of course, Google’s own apps do not met their own requirements. Does the Google Map app have a shit ton of warnings that they capture, upload and share your GPS? Nope. [That is how they show traffic on Google Maps.] According to Google calling my app “GPSOwl GPS Uploader” didn’t make it clear enough to users that my app uploads GPS. For fucks sakes.

And Google’s APIs OMFG don’t get me started. They are so fucking low-level and archaic we might as well write our apps in god damn assembler. I don’t know if Google programmers are lazy or stupid. Example: my GPS app needs, surprise GPS, which is a ridiculously simple need, yet it takes multiple days of reading documentation and writing/testing code. It should take a maximum of 30 minutes to incorporate useful GPS functionality into an app, if only Google programmers were not such lazy assholes. And when you do get it working, it bombards you with useless GPS positions — oh look, the exact same values one second later. I had to write extra code to check how far a position moved to determine if the new position was actually useful. That should be built in.

Google incorrectly assumes that I work full time in their universe. I do not.

It is pretty ironic the company built on exploiting people’s data is so diligent when it comes to everyone else’s apps. All other apps are treated as if they are a threat, doesn’t matter the intention of the app or how useful it is. Just treat them equally like crap. Typically monopoly behavior. We good, you bad.

The real reason Google is so shit to work with is because they only want users using THEIR APPS. They want to drive everyone away until there is only Google left.

Switch to Apple? Oh please, they are even worse than Google.